September 21st, 2010
Dear World,
What is perfection? Is "being perfect" an attribute people give us or something we give ourselves? There is so much pressure on humans to be "perfect", girls espesially. Everywhere we turn we are bombarded with the pictures and commercials showing us what the "perfect" woman should look like.
As I sit here in my school's library wearing my black windbreaker jacket and a pair of jeans that I've worn at least three times this week, my nose running and my eyes watering, I feel anything but perfect. I feel downright gross. My face is completly spilling over with fluids due to the awful cold I seem to have contracted and I forgot to do my laundry AGAIN. What a lovely feeling.
Though my outfit is an example of what I normally wear, jeans, T-shirt and a sweater, I can't help but feel a little self consious. I'm not one of those girls who spend hours and hours in the morning getting dressed for school, I'd much rather be sleeping, but that doesn't mean I don't like to feel pretty.
It's so strange how some girls can look so perfect and beautiful on the outside but at the same time they may have styled their hair like that to hide a bad breakout. Now, I know all about hiding bad skin. Not that I have severely bad acne, but the problem lies in an irritating habit that has been with me since before high school. Picking. Ew, I know. Another thing is allergies. I am allergic to a few common ingredients that are found in most shampoos. Since I am a girl and wash my hair fairly often, my shoulders and my chest are exposed and irritated by the shampoo. ( Find new shampoo dammit. I'm poor. xD ) Since I am a habit picker, this is bad. I can't tell you how mortifying this is. Imagine not being able to wear a bikini or a strapless dress because you'r afraid to show your skin. It's a horrible feeling.
Now, this problem has gotten slightly better over the last year but I will probably always have some faint scarring. This an even worse feeling. I will never have perfect skin like those women on tv or the pretty girls at my school. However, I am very proud of my body. If it wasn't for that one problem I'm sure I'd be more confident about dressing up and wearing lower shirts.
It's a horrible feeling, being compared to other people. It makes me want to crawl into my bed and hide from everyone and everything. It makes me feel gross and untouchable.
I have this weird mindset that irritates the crap out of me. I feel like I have to be perfect to move on to a new step in anything: relationships, school, or anything else. I feel like I have to everything down pat to be able to continue. This is a really difficult issue when it comes to guys. I can't help feeling like I need to sort myself out, get fit, and be stunningly beautiful before I let anyone in. I know that's not how it should be, that's just how I feel.
Why can't we all just be happy with who we are? Why can't we focus more on our attitudes and personal feelings instead of on our outward appearance. I am an average looking person. I am not utterly gorgeous or witty or smart. I have no fashion sense or people skills. I'm just me. And I'm fairly sure that's all I'll ever be. And any person who comes into my life will just have to deal. <3 <3
Love,
Me
P.S. Sorry for the really late update... School, colds and work really suck... Blegh. <3
What is perfection? Is "being perfect" an attribute people give us or something we give ourselves? There is so much pressure on humans to be "perfect", girls espesially. Everywhere we turn we are bombarded with the pictures and commercials showing us what the "perfect" woman should look like.
As I sit here in my school's library wearing my black windbreaker jacket and a pair of jeans that I've worn at least three times this week, my nose running and my eyes watering, I feel anything but perfect. I feel downright gross. My face is completly spilling over with fluids due to the awful cold I seem to have contracted and I forgot to do my laundry AGAIN. What a lovely feeling.
Though my outfit is an example of what I normally wear, jeans, T-shirt and a sweater, I can't help but feel a little self consious. I'm not one of those girls who spend hours and hours in the morning getting dressed for school, I'd much rather be sleeping, but that doesn't mean I don't like to feel pretty.
It's so strange how some girls can look so perfect and beautiful on the outside but at the same time they may have styled their hair like that to hide a bad breakout. Now, I know all about hiding bad skin. Not that I have severely bad acne, but the problem lies in an irritating habit that has been with me since before high school. Picking. Ew, I know. Another thing is allergies. I am allergic to a few common ingredients that are found in most shampoos. Since I am a girl and wash my hair fairly often, my shoulders and my chest are exposed and irritated by the shampoo. ( Find new shampoo dammit. I'm poor. xD ) Since I am a habit picker, this is bad. I can't tell you how mortifying this is. Imagine not being able to wear a bikini or a strapless dress because you'r afraid to show your skin. It's a horrible feeling.
Now, this problem has gotten slightly better over the last year but I will probably always have some faint scarring. This an even worse feeling. I will never have perfect skin like those women on tv or the pretty girls at my school. However, I am very proud of my body. If it wasn't for that one problem I'm sure I'd be more confident about dressing up and wearing lower shirts.
It's a horrible feeling, being compared to other people. It makes me want to crawl into my bed and hide from everyone and everything. It makes me feel gross and untouchable.
I have this weird mindset that irritates the crap out of me. I feel like I have to be perfect to move on to a new step in anything: relationships, school, or anything else. I feel like I have to everything down pat to be able to continue. This is a really difficult issue when it comes to guys. I can't help feeling like I need to sort myself out, get fit, and be stunningly beautiful before I let anyone in. I know that's not how it should be, that's just how I feel.
Why can't we all just be happy with who we are? Why can't we focus more on our attitudes and personal feelings instead of on our outward appearance. I am an average looking person. I am not utterly gorgeous or witty or smart. I have no fashion sense or people skills. I'm just me. And I'm fairly sure that's all I'll ever be. And any person who comes into my life will just have to deal. <3 <3
Love,
Me
P.S. Sorry for the really late update... School, colds and work really suck... Blegh. <3
